Oftentimes single parents wonder how they should go about dating people that do not have children and whether or not they should tell them in the beginning. The fear of being rejected for such a thing is so great that it makes people say and do things that they normally would not. Besides doing the obvious and advising those types to grow up, these fears are real and addressing them would work much better that scolding the person for thinking those thoughts.

Everyone is different, and while some people have no problem sharing their single and free life with someone that shares theirs with the younglings, others do not want to feel as if they are raising someone else’s responsibility or just don’t want that responsibility. Children are not for everyone and before you embark on your dating journey, you really have to be true to your intentions and your approach greatly depends on those intentions.

Casual Dating: If you intend on only having fun and have absolutely no desire to get into a serious relationship, then it’s ok not to divulge your entire life in the beginning or for that matter, ever. As long as both parties are privy to the fact that you are casually dating (and you are not deceptively lying), then it shouldn’t ever be an issue. Now you may think that since you’re not interested in a commitment, then why even have an understanding? It’s called karma, morals, and honesty. Would you like someone lying to you? Also, you run the risk or falling for the person and them eventually resenting you for not telling them such a big part of your life. Why add negativity to that possibility? Kids are a big deal!

Casual Dating with the possibility of a serious relationship: Unfortunately this is the road most traveled and most desired while dating. Most people just want to go out and have some fun and if it leads to anything more serious, great! If not, on to the next date. Even though you are not obligated to tell the other person anything at all, having kids is, again, a big deal - so tread with caution. A good approach may be to “feel out” the situation and tell the other person about your situation very early on if you think it will go somewhere. This way there isn’t that big shock and surprise and you don’t look like you’re just lying. We all dislike liars don’t we?

Serious relationship: This is a no brainer. If you’re seeking a serious relationship, don’t lie about having kids and tell the person in the beginning. If you lie or hide this tiny bit of extremely important information, you will look foolish, unstable, and worst of all, a liar!

Sometimes as adults we tend to blame external influences for what happens in our lives. Remember that we all have choices and if you have chosen to have children, don’t hide it and definitely do not start neglecting them.

A big mistake single parents make when they first start dating is that they always feel they need to express their love for their children and basically shove them in the life of the other person. Slow that horse down a few notches. No one likes to be forced into anything and no one likes to feel like they are second in a relationship. Instead, try to keep the level at a reasonable comfort by making sure that your conversations are focused on the other person and yourself as if no one else existed. If they ask you about your children, definitely elaborate but keep it short and don’t make the other person feel as if you have no time for them.

You are trying to build a relationship and if you sound like you only have time for work and your children, then why would someone assume you have time for them and why would they take you seriously? It will make them feel more comfortable with the situation and you can go on with the courting process without feeling like you have a dark cloud lingering above your head.

Filed under: